The Battle of Armageddon: Deluxe Edition

Nukes by the bucketful? Check. Antichrist? Check. Fighting until the bitter end? Check. Ameritrash so concentrated it leaves a sour aftertaste? Double check. I bought The Battle of Armageddon: Deluxe Edition in what was clearly a demonically impaired moment, and I admit that, as an object for an eccentric collection, it is a gem. For a normal collection, well, let us say there are safer choices.

This is a deranged alt-history scenario in which the seals open, the trumpets of the Apocalypse sound, and the few nations not yet flattened rush to seize the holy sites because that is where the Messiah will appear. Israel, as the “People of God,” fights the Arabs; from the east comes a red tide of 76 infantry counters that stubbornly refuses to die; and then Magog turns up — Noah’s son, because apparently why not — with AK-47s and Migs. Americans and Europeans, faithful followers of the Antichrist, join the party with their fleets as well.

On the table, this becomes an asymmetric six-sided free-for-all. The factions clash for control of key areas, while the game deals out cards that can send the whole situation completely off the rails. There is plenty of fighting, and the most honestly entertaining part is watching the map empty of counters because an event with pure yolo energy has appeared.

The problem is that this chaotic interaction does not always feel like controlled chaos; it often feels as if someone simply threw balance in the bin. One player can eat three or four nukes in the very first round and be effectively out of the game. Another can have 40 reinforcement points in a round while someone else gets 2. In a game lasting three or four hours, that is not harsh but exciting; it is harsh and boring for the person left sitting there watching everyone else play.

I would not call it a bad experience. The theme is, at the very least, interesting, and its excess has an almost admirable audacity. But it is a missed opportunity: a game with a mad premise and good fighting that forgot the tiny, insignificant detail that players should have fun and feel that what they do matters.